Riches v. Relations:

Family More Valuable Than Money

     In these times of economic strife it makes sense that many of us are focusing on finances as a measure of our contentment. But according to new research, strong familial relationships actually do more to improve our sense of happiness than the amount of money we make.

     The study, published in the most recent issue of the Journal of Family Psychology, followed 274 married adults across 10 years and investigated the relationship between family income and happiness. The data revealed that money and contentment were connected only to the point at which one's basic needs were met. This positive impact actually diminished as household income increased. Meanwhile, family social support - measured in terms of cohesion, expressiveness, and conflict - had more bearing on happiness when a family's income was low than when income was higher. Improvements in family relationships positively affected happiness, while advances in income had no impact on change in happiness.

     Concluding that the data show happiness to be a value capable of change, the researchers emphasized the importance of further inquiry into the role of family relationships in guiding that change. One may hypothesize that improving family connections and communications could do much to enrich a family's outlook, in spite of stressful economic hardship.

THERAPIST SPOTLIGHT: Robert Gordon, M.S., M.A.
     Bob Gordon is the type of guy who wants to know what everyone else at a party does for a living - but not for the typical reason. "I don't ask it to establish someone's status, but because I just love hearing people explain their present work versus what they really want to be doing," he says. "I love that conversation - I would do it for free."

     Gordon brings this curiosity and genuine interest to his work as a coach and spiritual director at PC&CC. "I got into this work because psychology and spirituality have always been my chief interests...but while I've always had an interest in these areas, I never thought I would have the patience to be an actual counselor. In fact, I didn't believe it until very recently," he says, noting that discovering the existential school of psychology was a turning point for him. "I love conversations about what matters. The existential branch of psychology deals with meaning, which is the kind of conversation I really enjoy."

     The search for meaning drove Gordon to study healing arts, Imago relationship therapy, spiritual direction, and now, pastoral counseling - even after retiring from a career in performance consulting with the federal government. "Even at my 'advanced age' I have finally realized what I was born for. And I think that something about my age makes me a lot more patient," the 56-year-old notes. "I understand that we aren't doing anything, God is doing it. At this point I'm just willing to help clients progress on their schedule, not mine."

     Still, Gordon's history of performance consulting provides him with a framework for approaching problems in the coaching and counseling room. "My previous career was in very measurable things - like training, organization development, and leadership development," he says. "That really required results that were quantifiable, and I still think that way. I check in regularly with my clients to see how we're doing and where we are in the process. I have found that sometimes I'm more interested in whether they're making progress than they are!"

     Gordon enjoys working with a varied caseload that may include clients engaged in exploration--or crisis--in their vocations, relationships, or spiritual lives. He finds great satisfaction in helping clients establish a larger sense of identity and establish authentic goals. "I know a lot about human performance technology, and that's a strength I bring to coaching. I have a lot of experience with what makes people actually do - or not do - what they say they want to do. I know how to get at the obstacles," he says.

     This sense of self-actualization extends into his personal life as well. "I believe that people ought to be able to do everything they want to do, and I have," he says, noting that he has lived out his interests in music and comedy in various forms over the years. "I really appreciate Frederick Buechner's question about where your deep gladness intersects with the world's deep hunger. I love helping people find that place."

Gordon works at PC&CC's offices in Takoma Park and Foggy Bottom. He may be reached at 202-449-3789 x707

REFERRAL CORNER: Even More Benefits of Exercise

     We've heard it so many times before, it's likely that for most of us the imperative to increase our physical exercise falls on deaf (or at least bored) ears. But the benefits of adding exercise to one's daily routine go well beyond weight loss and cardiovascular health. According to WebMd, those with a regular exercise routine also may see improvements at work and in their personal lives. WebMD offers the following 10 fitness facts:

1. Exercise boosts brainpower, which can make you more productive at work
2. Movement melts away stress and can reduce symptoms of depression
3. Exercise gives you energy, by releasing endorphins that can keep you energized throughout the day
4. It's not that hard to find time for fitness - you don't have to go to the gym, just schedule a work meeting at the jogging track or go with your children to the park
5. Fitness can help build relationships - meet a friend or your spouse for that after-dinner walk and increase communication while building stronger muscles
6. Exercise helps ward off disease and ease some aspects of the aging process
7. Fitness pumps up your heart, which makes regular daily activities easier
8. Exercise lets you eat more - you can splurge now and then without ruining your diet
9. Exercise boosts performance - your endurance for other activities will rise as you strengthen muscles and improve flexibility with regular exercise
10. Weight loss is not the most important goal - exercise goals should really about improving one's overall level of functioning

     Increasing physical activity has many advantages, but always consult with your physician before starting any new exercise programs. PC&CC counselors are always available for consultation about how to add healthy habits to improve daily life.

RELATIONSHIP TIP OF THE MONTH: Garden-Like Growth

     Before beginning therapy couples often worry about whether or not counseling will "work" for them and their issues. PC&CC's Ginny Graham helps clients shift from what she calls "the once-and-for-all-magic-wand-approach" for solving life problems to one grounded in a more realistic process of change. "An important step for all of us to keep in mind in our efforts to improve our relationships," she says, "is that doing so is an ongoing process.

     "Looking at our summer gardens can help us get more real about change in our relationships. After planting flower seeds or starter tomatoes in the garden, no one expects a harvest overnight. Growing in our ability to communicate more effectively takes time too. Worrying that problems be fixed, and fixed fast, can act like weeds that keep our relational gardens from flourishing. When we consciously embrace the truth and rightness of the slow process of growth, we can help reduce anxiety. This more relaxed state allows us to take more responsibility. We can tune in more fully, listen better and build more of the trust that is necessary for cultivating our healthier relationships."

NEW GROUPS ROUNDUP

• PC&CC's Nathan Gehlert and Cate Shea will lead a new group for unmarried professionals in their mid-20s to mid-30s who want to explore issues related to work/career, personhood/identity, spirituality, relationships, and more, in a supportive, open environment. Titled QuarterLife+10, the group will start this fall. Click here for more information.
• Joanne Comstock will launch a new "Women in Transition" group on Tuesdays beginning Sept. 16. The 6-week group will consider the relational aspects of a woman's life as she navigates transitions such as marriage, new motherhood, loss of loved ones, and the empty nest. Find more information here.
• Kathleen Scheg's popular Wednesday-night group, "RTA: Releasing and Transforming Anger," will start on Sept. 10. Participants will learn healthy ways to deal with anger that incorporate spirituality and body-centered psychotherapy. Learn more here.

PC&CC EVENT CALENDAR

• Couplehood as a Spiritual Path: Robert Gordon will be leading this course based on Imago Relationship Therapy at the Still Point Mind and Body center in Takoma Park on Sundays in July and August. Email him for more information or call 301-221-1861.
• Our "Getting the Love You Want" workshops for couples can serve as excellent premarital preparation or as a way to supercharge a couple's ongoing marriage counseling. Past attendees have described the experience as powerful, deeply spiritual, inspiring, and fun. The weekend course offers the equivalent of 6 months in couples counseling work. The next Washington, DC workshop will be July 11-13. Click here for more information.
• Fly-Fishing for the Soul:  An Alaskan Wilderness Adventure, Aug. 15-24. Eight days on a remote river in Alaska. An adventure you'll never forget! All are welcome... no previous experience in fly-fishing or soul searching required!!!  Contact Carl Siegel at 202-669-6417 for more information.